survival of the first week

Here are some first week quotes that should shed some light on my experience thus far:

"Miss, you ain't gonna stay."-student on day 1

"Miss, you should get with a Puerto Rican. You'd have sexy kids."-female student

"Principal T asked us what we thought of you. Don't worry, we all said you were good."-student after school

Students say the darndest things!
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My students have not had the best experience in chemistry. I fear that they are losing (or have lost) faith in science and their science teachers. They are "repeating" chemistry with me because only one student passed the Regents exam last year. Their former chem teacher has been described as "shady" by many a colleague.

In comes me, a fresh faced science teacher eager to get them excited about chemistry. Can it be done? Can I prepare my students for the Regents? Will I have the strength to show my commitment to their success? Can I teach them?

In all honesty, I have no idea; it's only been a week. I hope and pray that the answer to my aforementioned questions is a big fat YES, but after reading Dr. Pedro Noguera's City Schools and the American Dream: Reclaiming the Promise of Public Education I realize that I have to approach this mission with pragmatic optimism. This roller coaster ride can (will?) easily throw me for an emotional loop. Because I am hopeful at heart and my own worst critic (a dangerous combination) I have to become more pragmatically optimistic...or I may break.
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And now for my random teacher thoughts...

• I fear failing my students. (I don't mean giving them an F)
  
• It's all about COMFORTABLE SHOES.
• There's a thin line between patience and leniency...I'm still trying to figure out this balance before I cross into dangerous territory.
• No student has accused me of being a first year teacher! (small victory!)
• EAT. BREATHE. SLEEP. TEACH. REPEAT.
• I'm working on my teacher look, and I'm not talking about my wardrobe.
• I do not want to lose my cool in front of my class; I'm trying to maintain composure at all times. Some students have picked up on my calm demeanor and seem eager to test me, to break my patience. I pray that I can keep my patience even in the face of a very very very annoying student.
• Do not be fooled, teaching is not an 8:30am-3:00pm kind of job.

the day before the big day

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

That pretty much sums up my feelings. Prior to tonight I can only think of one other situation where I was scared out of my mind.

During our first year in college (oh so long ago) my friend Angie orchestrated a trip to Lodai, California to go sky diving. For weeks my dearest friends and I were excited for our adventure. But, on the big day my adventurous spirit waned. I had mixed feelings about boarding a plane just to jump out of it. The ride up was the worst part of the whole ordeal. We ascended thousands of feet above the ground in minutes; with each passing minute color seemed to drain from my face. At roughly 13,000 feet the plane door opened and one by one I saw my friends fly out into the blue. My instructor (a white haired 60 year old) brought me to the plane entrance/exit where I stared into the sky and saw the ground far far far away. As my heart beat at a rate entirely too fast for normal human beings I closed my eyes and jumped...